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Regaining Weight After Loss
I’ve been lax with my nutrition since September and have gained 27 pounds since the photo on the left was taken. The thing is, my diet hasn’t been *that* crummy, I’ve just been eating as much as I want to and more than I should.
The vast majority of my clothes still fit, albeit a touch more tightly, but the real issue is my health…
My skin rashes have come back and my anxiety has returned. My thyroid numbers are worse than they’ve been in years. I’m tired and sluggish.
Sometimes we focus so hard on a symptom that we miss the real problem. I used to think that I had a weight problem so I tried to cure it with food and exercise but I never really seemed to be able to do those things in a way that led to lasting results. I was trying to heal a problem through a symptom.
The problem, for me, was an extreme emotional dependence on food. Some people self harm with objects, I did it with food. I buried my feelings, ate my emotions, and used it as a coping mechanism so I never had to deal with any of the big hard scary things I was so afraid of facing.
This was a trauma response that I learned when I was very young. A way I was taught to heal when family disfunction surfaced. I didn’t even realize I was doing it until Avey, my daughter, when she was 4, asked me why I ate loads of fast food, chips, and ice cream after she went to bed. We’re talking 3,000 to 5,000 calories a night and I had two choices— I could deflect or I could get really honest with myself.
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Honestly, I was trying to drown myself in food because it was easier than water. I didn’t love myself and didn’t want to stay. I was depressed, anxious, and I had years of grief to work through. So my body felt hungry, but it wasn’t hungry for food, it was desperate for healing.
This is why I could hand you all of the weight loss tools in the world but unless you get to the root of the symptom you’ll continue to spin in circles.
Over the last 5 years I have healed so much. I have recovered, I’ve been happy, I’ve learned healthier ways to cope but this summer my Dad got C. He was hospitalized and nearly died. He has still not recovered fully and is high risk for several mortalities.
It was like all of that work that I’d done, I just locked it all away in a little box in my mind, and went back to coping through food. Because I didn’t want to feel the reality. Reality was too much to bear and I knew how to bury those big hard emotions, if not forever, for at least a little while.
I would hear that little voice I’d locked away say, “you have to feel this.” And I would feed it. It would say, “you’re already full, you don’t have to eat the whole Family Size bag of chips.”
And I would eat it anyway. I knew what I was doing, I just didn’t care, because it was easier to feel disappointed in myself than face the reality that my Dad won’t be here forever.
I cry as I write this. It is so difficult to write this.
Every year I get a little better at managing my response to trauma. I grow, I learn, I get more comfortable with grief, stress, sadness and the way it manages to exist simultaneously with joy, happiness, and gratitude.
But I still relapse sometimes. I think that’s part of healing too.
So what do I plan to do about it?
Begin again.
Today I am ditching the daily intake of highly processed stuff, even the *healthier* processed stuff, in lieu of whole natural foods. That doesn’t mean that I can’t eat them or won’t eat them, it just means that they aren’t serving me right now, so I’m not making them a staple of my diet.
Daily walks. More water. I’d say sleep but I’ve been a fantastic sleeper lately. All of the principals that I prize, talk about, write about, and preach— I’m going to be intentional about putting them into practice once again.
I’m kinda excited about it. I haven’t really been intentional with my wellness since the summertime and my body is ready for a bit more of my attention and care.
I’ll loosely be following the Instant Loss 90 Day Challenge (which can be found here) and the meal plans from my Instant Loss Cookbook series. This is an open invitation for you to join me. Jump in any time, watch my Instagram stories for daily eats and inspiration.
How do you start? You just begin. I’ve begun again a hundred times over. I could spend my time bemoaning the ground I lost or I can spend it doing something about it. Let’s be people of action.
We’ve got this.
Brittany Williams has taken the weight loss world by storm with her best-selling Instant Loss Cookbook. After reaching a peak weight of 260 pounds and spending a lifetime struggling with obesity, yo-yo dieting, autoimmune diseases, and chronic fatigue, Brittany changed her relationship with food and lost an astonishing 125 pounds in a year through diet alone.
Brittany’s second book, Instant Loss Eat Real, Lose Weight shows how to make this a sustainable lifestyle with kid and family-friendly meals. Members of her growing community have reported losing 50 and even 100 pounds themselves, and this cookbook will help others achieve similar success with simple, delicious meals, nearly all ready in 30 minutes or less.
To finish off the trilogy check out Instant Loss on a Budget for crowd-pleasing meals that are as as friendly for your wallet as they are for your waistline! Featuring 125 NEW recipes and meal plans to feed a family of 4 for under $90 a week Instant Loss on a Budget is proof that wholesome food doesn’t have to be expensive.
I do appreciate your honesty & realness. I struggle with the same issues exactly!
Thank you for today’s post. I lost weight and have regained 9 pounds. What I noticed most in your post was your skin rash returning. That happened to me as well. When I was 9 pounds lighter no rash on my lower leg, now the rash is back and somewhat controlled by lots of skin cream. Thanks again for the wake up call. I’m back on track!
I am so with you. This past year, my dad died unexpectedly, we moved from our home of 32 years, I’ve continued working on my doctorate, work is extremely stressful (I’m a high school teacher), and my mom is quickly going downhill mentally and physically. I want to just hibernate until life goes back to “normal” but that is not going to happen anytime soon. Actually, ever. So, food is often the comfort… or maybe a glass of wine… extra calories I do not need, and my scales are reflecting my choices. Thanks for being transparent and authentic. It’s nice to know I’m not alone, but that I also can restart – as I have so many other times.
So sorry to hear about your dad, I hope he will get better. I totally understand – I am stressed by a family situation and have turned to food for comfort. I had lost 65 pounds and have put 45 of it back on – I am so mad at myself for doing this. But as you say, just have to start over again. I have come to realize I am a junk food addict and will have to fight that addiction forever I suppose – I am 71 years old and still having those cravings…..it is very tiresome. Good luck to us!
Thanks for being so transparent. Maintenance is my biggest problem.
Thank you for being real and raw. I too have struggled with my weight my entire life. I discovered Intermittent Fasting (IF) and haven’t looked back. My weight fell off and I have easily maintained my weight lose since July 2021 eating the foods I love and never feel deprived. When I was deprived I would binge eat. I’m 64 years old and I haven’t been at this weight since 40 years ago. I’m was looking for yet another diet when I found Gin Stephens on the internet – read her book Delay, Don’t Deny and joined Delay, Don’t Deny Facebook page for support. I have spent so much money on diets and gimmicks, took up running, gyming and the like and I would just loose a few pounds. When I did this yes it was tough for the first 3 weeks but I would never go back to eating they way I use to. The only regret I have is wishing I had known about this earlier. Another good books is Dr Fung’s Obesity Code.