I had a lot of ups and downs last week. Because I don’t have the “all or nothing” mentality anymore, it’s easier for little bits and bobs to find their way into my hands and mouth on the weekend. I generally do pretty well throughout the week but the weekend can get me a little. It’s typically not too bad because I don’t binge anymore. I used to be so restrictive that when I was given the opportunity to eat something I didn’t normally allow myself, I’d go way overboard.
Now, because nothing is “off-limits”, I am usually satisfied with a taste or a small serving.
Last weekend was especially difficult because tomorrow (Tuesday, March 5th), is my son Elias’ fourth birthday in heaven. Yesterday was a weird day for me. I struggled with not wanting to eat at all and then eating some crummy food in the evening.
Food has always been tied to emotions for me. When my emotions are particularly overwhelming, I usually do three things: eat to try and get back to happy, lose my appetite entirely and forget to eat, or feel too physically drained to eat anything at all. I have a difficult time handling heavy feelings. I’m a very upbeat, happy person, who feels uncomfortable with sadness. When heaviness comes, I literally do not feel like myself. I feel like I’m battling the current trying to return to myself.
After years of fighting this, I now realize that this is avoidance. It may work in the intermediate, but not dealing with our heaviness or grief will manifest itself in other areas of our lives. It always comes out one way or another.
Yesterday, I let myself feel heavy. I allowed myself to feel my sadness. I spoke with my husband about it and we spent an hour in bed holding each other as I verbally affirmed what I was feeling. Then I went out for a run, had a shower, did my makeup, and got dressed. I felt a bit more myself after that. Then we all got out of the house. That’s what I felt like I needed to do. We went to Target to walk around.
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My maiden name is Padilla and I have 6 siblings. I have three amazing babies here on earth (Avey, Ben, and Noah) and three in heaven. Our son Elias’ birthday is in two days, his 4th birthday in heaven, and I’m having a rough time handling my emotions today. I write music and recipes. I paint my feelings with lyrics and food. Brady and I got married after only knowing each other for 9 months. I was 21. He’s a Jack of all trades, a hard and dedicated worker. I couldn’t have dreamed up a better partner. When I was in 5th grade I broke my wrist in two places falling off of a scooter. I’m currently missing nail polish on two of my fingernails because I rarely have my stuff together. I’m an extrovert. I love coffee ice cream but I don’t drink coffee! I like my hair short and I like it long so I wear it short for 6 months out of the year and rock extensions for the other 6 months. I flip a coin to decide all of life’s major decisions, not even kidding. 😂 . Hope all of you are having a wonderful Sunday. Tell me some things about you!
I say all of this to let you know that we all have our moments, days, weeks, months, and years of dealing with difficult stuff. It’s heavy and it can affect us in unexpected ways. That’s okay. It’s all part of the journey. It’s important to listen and to let yourself have those moments instead of spending your energy fighting them.
Disclaimer: I am not an expert and if you’re struggling with depression, anxiety, or a general heaviness, you need to find someone to talk to whether it be a therapist, friend, partner, or stranger. Your feelings are important and valid.
My week wasn’t perfect last week. I snacked a bit too much in the evenings, I had Papa John’s pizza on Saturday, I ate some ice cream on Sunday night, but it’s okay. I ate very well this week and I got a lot of activity and movement in. My body is grateful for it.
This isn’t a race, this is my life. In the midst of trying to reach some fitness goals, I need to enjoy that life or else, what’s the point?
Here’s the recap! Last Monday I weighed 152.2 pounds, this Monday I am 149.8 pounds. There are slight changes in my physical appearance and I am feeling a little less bloated, though I just started my period (sorry, TMI) yesterday, and that always makes me hold a couple pounds of water weight.
- Monday 152.2
- Tuesday 150.6
- Wednesday 148.4
- Thursday 150
- Friday 150
- Saturday 149.6
- Sunday 150
- Monday 149.8
The scale can be a frustrating way to measure progress when you’re within 10 to 20 pounds of your goal. I recommend using measurements and photographs instead, especially if you’re working out and building muscle mass. You can see the difference a week makes in bloating clearly in these photographs. I didn’t see a huge jump on the scale but I feel like going through these photos I can definitely see that I’ve lost some water retention and inflammation.
This week, I focused on nutrition and ate according to the 80/20 rule. I kept my portion sizes generally appropriate even though I had a few splurges. I worked out 5 out of 7 days, drank at least 100 ounces of water a day, and I tried to get at least 7 hours of sleep every night.
That’s week 1 for the books! I hope ya’ll are experiencing similar forward momentum and I appreciate all of your encouraging words on last weeks post! I’m so glad that we are all in this together. #betheturtle